Many people would agree that a key part of parenting is not just the feeding, washing and changing of children, it's the teaching of morals and values as well as practical advice of how to get through life (e.g. Don't eat the outside of an orange, peel it like this and eat the middle!)
The values we hold are very evident to our children who live with us and see us day-in-day-out, they know when we might be contradictory about a behaviour or opinion! So it's very important we have a look at ourselves and see what we might be teaching them. There was a horrible realisation a while ago when my eldest was learning to speak that when apologising he would say, "Sorry, I didn't mean to" which was infuriating when it was quite evident that indeed it WAS intended, but then I stopped and realised that the reason he'd apologise like that is because that's how I said sorry to him. I felt awful. It's an innocent enough phrase but actually was teaching something not quite right. With a change in my responses we now both just say 'I'm sorry', forgive, cuddle, move on. Much better! God has a great love of families and raising children is often referred to as a blessing and honour, so it makes sense that He has clear opinions on bringing children up well. In the book of Proverbs it says: "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." [22:6] We know that, if we do not teach our children to be loving and kind, they may become mean and selfish. Or if we do not teach them to observe boundaries put in place by us they may run into the road when we've instructed them to stay on the footpath. In the same way, spiritual disciplines have to be learnt in order to become part of the daily routine. For us, reading the Bible, singing and praying together are our staples and something we aim to do at least once a day. It goes like this: - Read a short passage from the Bible (we use the ESV) - Read a short passage from a spiritual book (feel free to email us for suggestions) - Sing one or two songs (we do a mix of traditional hymns [Which are fab for learning theological truths] and children's worship songs [Great Big God is a firm favourite] - Pray (we ask our eldest what he'd like to say thank you for and who he'd like to pray for, then pray those things together) This may seem like a lot but the whole of 'Family Worship' time lasts around 10-15 minutes. Some days the boys are not quite in the mood and struggle to sit still or are wailing because they're tired, and that's ok, we just adapt and maybe read shorter passages or just read a bit of the Bible then pray but we always aim to do as much as we can (it's for our benefit too!). Participation is encouraged but not enforced, however the are required to be respectful whilst we do it (e.g. you don't have to pray but you do need to be quiet when we do). The main point is to rejoice and bring God glory together as a family. "...But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD" [Joshua 24:15b] For a better write up about Family Worship I recommend to read a piece called "The Duty and Joy of Household Worship" written by Owen: https://undergrowingbranches.blogspot.com/2020/03/the-duty-and-joy-of-household-worship.html?fbclid=IwAR3x6Bz-uDA9kPlqg4fqG29jaIlhhNCynZK6Kqs8dLblRdk2j2Ubus3QkHY Also, check out this book: "Family Worship" Joel Beeke
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When children are small and have a nap or two a day, that time can be a great time to have a rest yourself or to get on with some jobs which are harder to do with small people around!
So, what do you do when they get older and stop napping? The day can sometimes feel like a marathon from breakfast to tea time in the hopes of having enough energy before getting to bedtime (I often feel like I'm 'crashing' around 4pm most days). The answer is 'Chill Out Time'. We first heard the phrase from our good friends when their daughter stopped napping and we started to use the term with our eldest whilst he was still napping about 6 months ago. It was helpful to do this at that point as it then wasn't a transition from 'nap' to 'no-nap' and allowed the idea of 'down time' to be introduced quite naturally. Now at the age of nearly 3, our eldest doesn't often nap anymore but is very used to the idea of 'Chill Out Time'. We don't do the same thing every day and tend to vary between the following things: - Playing upstairs in his room on his own - Sitting on the sofa reading books - Watching a TV programme on the tablet - Sitting on the sofa listening to music and reading/colouring Often this break in the day is between 30min-1hr long but it can massively vary depending on mood and what activities we're doing that day. If this is something new you'd like to try and you're not sure if you'd last 2 minutes, then start there! Do it for 2 minutes fora few days, then 4/5 mins as they get used to it. Gradually build it up to a good amount of time for everybody and don't feel the pressure for it to go perfectly every time (just aim for 'most of the time'). Now something I would highly recommend getting is wireless-Bluetooth headphones (with volume limiter) for your child to use. Our eldest loves using his and allows for him to be in bit more of a 'bubble' when he's relaxing (and keeps some peace and quiet in the house for everyone else's Chill Out Time). I link the headphones to my mobile and play music through that which is then kept out of reach so he doesn't spend the whole time just playing with my phone! The most important thing about this part of the day is not just so the adults can 'get a break', most importantly it allows your child to have a chance to unwind/calm a bit, as well as learn about spending a little time in their own company and not constantly demanding someone else's. It's also fantastic after everyone's had a little rest to feel fresh and full of energy to have a fun afternoon together. Resources*: - Amazon Music - Spotify - Youtube - Borrowbox (app for downloading Audio Books from your local library) *Please be vigilant about adverts on Internet music providers to ensure they're appropriate for your child to watch/listen to as if you use your account then it may not have age-restricted adverts First things first, breathe, you’ve got this! I know it’s daunting looking at the next few weeks without your usual routine but it’ll be ok.
The major thing I would say to have a natural rhythm at home is to work out a daily routine. Children love routine as they then know what to expect and get the most out of their day and it is helpful to you as it gives you breathing space to get on with chores, relaxing or doing some hobbies of your own without the need to ‘entertain’ the kids all day. You may already have a routine in place but if you don’t, here’s a suggestion*: 7am: Wake-up time. Make drinks for the kids and a cuppa for you 7:30/45am: Have Breakfast After Breakfast, clear away the table together (clean under highchair and wipe down table) 8:15/30am: Family Activity (Toys, Colouring, etc.) Chores (e.g. Clothes Washing, Dish Washer) [Morning nap] 9:30am: Self-Directed Play (set them up with an activity to do on their own) 10:30am: Family Activity 11:30/45am: Lunchtime [Midday Nap or] Chill Out Time** After Chill Out Time, if other children sleeping, take this chance to have 1-to-1 time with the other child (e.g. reading or if they're older having small toys/puzzles out on the floor whilst younger siblings can't come over and chew on them!) 2:30pm: Family Activity [Afternoon Nap] 4pm: Self-Directed Play (whilst you make the Tea)/Make the tea together 4:45pm: If Tea needs to be left to cook for a while unattended (e.g. in the Oven), Family Activity while you wait (e.g. Music) 5/5:30pm: Tea-time (try to sit down together even if adults are eating later). Chat together as you eat (maybe see if they can remember what they’ve been doing today!) After Tea, Family Worship Time***. Then clear away the table together (clean under the highchair and wipe down table) 6:30pm: Bath-time/ Quiet Play in their room (this can be on their own or with you) 6:45/7pm: Bedtime Routine I realise that as I write this, I fail horribly with this routine already. However the main thing is that I’m learning to parent better every day and that includes learning how to structure my day better (before children my job meant I worked later in the evenings, so naturally I didn’t get up early in the mornings and some long relaxing days were spent on the X-Box with ice cream for dinner! Also, anyone who knows me, knows I have always struggled with the housework [mostly because I often dislike/can’t be bothered to do it] but now in being a housewife and Mama I’m learning to love and care for my family in new ways. I know I’m not always going to get it right but each day is a new day and that I believe is a wonderful gift from God (I’m glad that bad times have to end just the same as the good ones!) So, even when being at home all day might be tough know that I’m praying for us all and like all cheesy movies say, let’s start this adventure together. *I know this won't suit everyone as I know for instance wake-up times can vary massively but as I've said, I give this just as a suggestion. **Chill Out Time: [Link for blog post] ***Family Worship Time [Link for blog post] |
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